My Aunt Went on an 18-Month Vacation and All I Got Was This Lousy Surge of Hormones

My period came back last night. After nine months of pregnancy and nine months of baby, my long lost period has come back to set up shop in my uterus and is getting reacquainted with its quarters. Are things as you left it? I didn't think so.

My period gave hints that it was coming back -- inspiring various fits of crying, constipation and general moodiness last week. I laughed in its face by wearing white pants, daring it to pay me a visit after ignoring me for so long.

Needless to say, my efforts and scare tactics were for naught. My period has proven to be stronger and more determined than white pants from Old Navy could ever be. Joe always told me Old Navy sucked.